Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Alice has filled!

I just noticed that Alice filled at Festival! Huzzah! We were missing one player for, like, two weeks. You don't know how pleased and proud I am by the fact that it's a large game that has had four previous runs, and it still fucking fills.

Mike Hyde gets the award for most entertaining casting questionnaires. I am also amused by how many questionnaires list that they would prefer not to have plots involving a specific despicable thing, like rape or psychological torture, but then follow up with something along the lines of "But you probably don't have anything like that in this game." Heh. To give you an idea of the nature of the story, I began my writing process by making a list of all the horrible things I could think of to see what among them I could turn into plots. ALICE IS THE GAME OF HORRIBLE THINGS.

I have also agreed to help run LXHS with captainecchi* and electric_d_monk*, about which I'm very excited. I loved playing that game and am very happy to help them. There are still a a handful of spots left for gentleman or those ladies willing to play as gentleman, so if you haven't already, I suggest you check out this excellent game!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The kind of woman I want to be; the kind of woman I'm afraid to be

I want to be the kind of woman who supports and is kind to other women. I want to not let my insecurities lead me to feeling threatened by the virtues of other women. I want to celebrate and build them up instead.

I am afraid of being the kind of woman with a generalized contempt for women. As much of a feminist as I am, I am inclined to prefer the society of men, and most of the personal flaws that bother me most are the ones that tend to be found in women more often than in men. I don't want to let these facts turn me into anything that does not support women.

I want to be the kind of woman who doesn't let herself go. No matter what I'm doing, what my circumstances are, what's going on with me or what's happening in my life, I want to never become dowdy or frumpy or believe that the part of my life where I am attractive is past me.

I'm afraid of being the kind of woman that doesn't age gracefully. I am incredibly afraid of aging, of losing the physical beauty that has meant so much to me and to others, and I worry about trying to cling to my youthful aspect in ways that aren't dignified because I won't know what to do without it.

I want to be the kind of woman who doesn't confuse real love with the accoutrements of love, and knows that the first is infinitely more important. I will not measure love by self-serving qualifiers with only external significance-- "If he loved me he'd do X," "If she cared she'd think Y," -- but place importance only on the expressions that truly matter.

I'm afraid of being the kind of woman who doesn’t ask for what she wants. I don't want to feel like I don't deserve the things that I want, or that I cannot count on people to want to give them to me because I'm not important enough.

I want to be the kind of woman who never lets anyone forget that she can be and is both beautiful and smart. I want to be admired and appreciated for everything that's good about me, and never allow myself to be sold short.

I'm afraid of being the kind of woman who allows her beauty and sexuality to vulgarize her. I want these to be part of the appeal of the package of myself, not things that obscure my qualities that are ultimately more real, more lasting, and more important to my value as a human being.

I want to be the kind of woman who takes responsibility for herself. I want to be capable of handling myself and my own life and be seen by those around me as such. I don't want to depend on other people, and want all the credit and blame that implies. I want to succeed due to my own effort and ability, and accept that if I fail that lies with me as well.

I'm afraid of being the kind of woman who always blames herself. I am inclined to hold myself to such a standard that when someone does do some wrong to me, I am likely to feel like I failed for allowing it to happen. But this can lead to allowing others to take advantage of you for fear of always being in the one in the wrong.

I want to be the kind of woman who walks the line between the feminist dichotomy well.

I'm afraid of being the kind of woman who lets it push her too far one way or the other.

Chores in earnest

It's a rainy old day. Sigh. I dislike bad weather in general, especially on days when I have a fair bit of driving to do, and it's looking like it's going to last all day.

I have a number of errands to run today. I'm trying to get together with bronzite* for lunch since I haven't seen him in a while. Then I must hit Main Street to deposit a check and mail back the daggers from Julius Caesar to the company they were rented from. I also wouldn't mind getting over to the mall today. Lord and Taylor sent me a nice coupon, and maybe I could find something to take home with me for my mother for her birthday. I think I also might enjoy some aimless wandering around the mall; it's been a while since I've had any real leisure time out of the house.

I did not use my free evening yesterday as well as I'd hoped to. I spent most of it napping until I finally threw away the pretense and went to bed for real around ten-thirty. I had hoped to accomplish a bit more with my time, like finishing Labor Wars character sheets. But I've been feeling tired pretty constantly all this past week, and to be honest this is the first morning in a while I don't really feel draggy, so maybe all that sleep let me finally escaped that slump. I did get my laundry folded and put away, as well as some other small household chores, so that's something at least. After my errands today I want to get back on chore track, though. The house needs a good cleaning, and I haven't had any time before now. I hate making the place spotless just before I go home for a while (no time to enjoy it but plenty of time for remaining roommates to mess it back up :-P) but it's just not comfortable, and tomorrow I'm having dinner guests. Also I am determined to finish my two sheets for The Labor Wars meeting on Thursday. At the stage I'm at right now that is totally doable, I just have to buckle down.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Close of Caesar



Caesar closed to glorious work this weekend, and I am incredibly proud of everyone involved. Lenny and Jenna, you did it, guys. And Bernie, you are a fantastic tech director for getting that going so smoothly and so well.

I ran the camcorder during the Friday show and then photo call after it. There are basically two approaches one can take to videotaping a theatrical performance-- either pick a spot that sees the whole stage the whole time and leave it there, or try to follow the action from a general vantage point. I significantly prefer the latter, as it can afford you much better views for all the differing parts of the stage-- I feel like I can see the important stuff much better when I go back to watch that way. That way, however, requires a lot more attention and care in the process. I am roughly familiar with video cameras but have no real training or skill, so I am serviceable but not excellent at operating them. While I'm certain I could improve with practice, I unfortunately do not have the steadiest hand, and the tripod I was working with had some weird resistance that I had to, sometimes shakily, push through. All in all, though, with a little help from Jared in the second act, I think we produced a decent tape.



Photo call was done in less than an hour, and probably would have gone faster if there hadn't been a touch of "too many cooks in the kitchen" syndrome going on. People were also keyed up from having done a great show, and though I really didn't want to be a killjoy it can be tough to yell instructions at people who are being loud and silly AND getting contradictory instructions as well. Ah, well. Again, I got that shit done in under an HOUR, which, if you've ever run a photo call for a show that long, is freaking RECORD time.

Strike was done in record time as well. Basically the cast and crew just swarmed the set, tore it apart, cleaned up, AND helped Melcher carry in the wood for his upcoming show's build. Well done, guys. I love the dedication and work ethic of the real HTPers. Goodbye, gorgeous set. Thus goes the ephemerality of theater. A trip to IHOP was organized after strike, but by that point I was feeling for some reason, as I occasionally do, unattractive and unpresentable, and therefore had no further desire to be out in public. I kind of regret not sharing in the fun, but I hate inflicting myself on other people when I'm feeling down. So I went home and took a shower to scald off the feeling of ugly.

Yesterday I took Jared to the airport so he could go home for the Pesach break. This afternoon I will be making the same trip so Bernie can as well. That means I will have a few days to myself before I make my own journey home for Easter. I confess I don't particularly want to go, but I do want to be with my parents, who miss me. It just leaves only a small amount of time to take care of some of my own projects and chores without any obligation to others. I think right now I need that.
 


The design Charlotte painted on my back



I like its kind of gothy aesthetic. Certainly suits my tastes. Charlotte is one talented young lady.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Amazing opening night




Caesar opened last night, and I must say, it was fantastic, even better than I thought it was going to be. The energy was up, the actors increased their dynamic movement to fill the stage and make the best use of the set, the amount of character-building stage business went up. While other shows may have had standout performances, the acting was consistently better across the board than any Shakespeare we've done before it. The technical aspects came together gorgeously, looking slick, professional, and painstaking. This was definitely one of the best mainstage shows Hold Thy Peace has put on to date. Lenny and Jenna, the directors of this excellent piece, should be incredibly proud.

Brenda conveys the intensity of an obsessive personality with a fascinating combination of fire and steel. She cuts a tall, square, lean figure in her suit and her military uniform, plotting, imposing, inexorable. My guts twist at the thought that I'll probably never get a chance to direct her myself. She perfectly accents Frances, lovely Frances, who is so talented I get lost in it. Her need to cogitate and weigh contrasts brilliantly with Brenda's constant burning surety. I also admire her for balancing Brutus's quiet cerebralness with a dynamic ponderousness that emphasizes the character's ponderousness without divorcing from the physical performance. I want to see her play every role in all of Shakespeare, because I believe she could do it all, and I want to bear witness to it.

Steph confirms my theory that when good actors are required to stretch, it improves them and helps them to grow. Making the role of Mark Antony a woman, keeping the gender identity while adapting it to fit an atypical societal position, is not an easy job, and not really one Steph has had to attempt before. Among all the fantastic performances in the show, she is the standout, and I believe it is because she was challaneged to create a part outside of her typical repetoire. Her "Friends, Romans, countrymen," speech got applause when it only otherwise occurred at act breaks.

  
Nati is very interesting to me. He is clearly talented and has fantastic instincts-- of everyone, his stage business I found the most genuine and the most compelling. I could see someone with his repetoire being inclined to over-acting, but I thought he balanced it well last night, keeping busy and interesting and active without being too distracting. Caitlin's performance is so complex. She has a remarkable ability to convey layers of feeling beneath the words-- you get no just what she's saying, but what's going on behind her eyes a the same time, which is a really difficult thing. And I have been impressed by April's progression. She was really good as Regan, but in playing the Nurse and having the opportunity to play a character requiring a lot of meta-commentary by the actor (must understand the dramatic function of the part to the play, has many different notes to hit, has many levels to hit, which levels and which notes are appropriate when, et cetera) I think she grew much more savvy about how to go approach roles. She auditioned for Caesar with a monologue of the Nurse, which though she had performed on stage, she directed herself to clean up her performance to a point of making it more honest and less over-the-top while still keeping it funny. It was one of the best-prepared auditions I've ever seen. Her portrayal of Decius demonstrated how much more sophisticated and nuanced her acting, and her approach to roles, are getting.

 

I enjoy the double casting of Julius Caesar and Octavian-- I should, it was my suggestion. ;-) I like it because I find actors give stronger performances when they are double-cast meaningfully, which this is. Octavian was the grand-nephew of Caesar, so you get family resemblance, and there is now some continuity between the man that became Rome's first dictator and his heir who became its first emperor. Also, it gives Plesser a chance to stretch. I thought he did a very good job of differentiating the two, making Caesar an arrogant, stage-filling presence and Octavian stern, calculating general planning to win a war and rebuild a government.

The other notable thing about the evening is that Charlotte, wanting to do something creative while killing time before the show, painted a design on my back. It is gothy and gorgeous, kind of an abstract bat wing design. There should be pictures of it up shortly. She is incredibly talented, and I am so flattered to have been able to be a canvas for her. Sadly in sleep I smeared it somewhat, but she can paint a new one on me anytime. :-) I shall be attending again tonight, after which photo call will happen for sure. I am ready and excited. Then, I believe, there will probably be the traditional pilgrimage to IHOP.

All I can say now is "Hail, Caesar!"


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Opening night for Caesar



Kind of a zombie this morning. Not sure why. Yeah, yeah, tech week and all, but I've been leaving before 1AM each night, and I even got about a three-hour nap yesterday. I've been tired a lot lately, even though I've been mostly getting enough sleep, and I am dismayed at the dark circles under my eyes. :-P I don't feel sick or anything otherwise, but this constant tiredness this week is bugging me.

Opening night tonight for Julius Caesar. I'm not sure when photo call will be happening. Possibly before and after the show tonight, possibly tomorrow night. It's okay, I can be ready for either. My trusty shot list will be ready to go. Also, I will be filming the performance on Friday. Shall have to figure out the best location to set up the camera. I'm not exactly an expert at camcorder operation, but I can point it at the action well enough.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Post-bac show practice

The other interesting, theatrical, artistic thing I did yesterday (because I am such a busy, productive girl) is that Kindness and I ran the opening part of the performance piece we're going to do at his post-bac show. We marched into the Shapiro Atrium with nothing remarkable about us except for huge makeup handprints-- mine on my cheek, his around his neck. We then undressed, and redressed each other in dress-up clothes, mine vaguely like a little girl. Then we used makeup to paint colorful patterns over our bruises. When we were finished, we gathered up our things, packed them into a box with a unicorn on it, and marched outside.

I'm not sure if we got much in the way of audience reaction. For all our strange public doings, I think most people just looked at us, thought "Huh, weird," and continued about their business. But I am confident that in a context where it is a clear that it is an artistic performance, as it will be during the real show, people will attend. And Jonathan was pleased, which is all that matters to me. I like performing, so I am excited for this piece to go up in its proper place.

Third day of Caesar tech



Caesar tech week continues to go well. Last night was mostly devoted to light focus, which is a grindingly slow and tedious process by the time you get to all four electrics. I was a little grumbly over this (though it was absolutely no one's fault and everyone was working very hard) because I wanted the run to start so I could watch it for my photo call planning, and I needed to leave by midnight. Still, things were getting done nicely, and eventually the show got running. Last night I watched the first half of the show for the first time before I had to leave. In order to run an efficient photo call, I took notes on what scenes needing snapping when, with what people, and in what costume.


So many great things going on up there. First off, the acting is phenomenal. Everyone really sinks their teeth into their roles. I've said this before, but Plesser improves in technique, presence, and nuance with every show. I love Charlotte's committment to her roles, the way she assumes the persona of the character. I was so impressed not only by Steph's acting, but how she made me buy the Marc Antony role as a woman. Caitlin had so much fantastic attitude. I adore the subtle force and slyness of April's performance. Zanna brought an unexpected but very effective strength and presence to Calpurnia, and I enjoyed the passion and even slight sternness of Gigi's Portia. And, of course, Frances and Brenda not only were great alone, they played off one another so well. I was very impressed by Frances's finding an alternate way of conveying Brutus's intensity without resorting to restless energy, which made a great contrast to the roiling anger Brenda brought Cassius.


The set looks fantastic, one of the best sets HTP has ever had, in my humble opinion. The marbling effect on the platforms is gorgeous, and the curtains are awesome. They not only serve for an interesting vertical addition to the aesthetic, they effectively divide the stage into useful smaller sections, and they can have color thrown on them from the lights. And when this show's over, they can be folded up and stored for any other show to use, ready to go and free of cost.


The costumes look amazing. They were very skillfully designed and look good on the actors. And they are all in dark, bold colors that contrast beautifully with the light-colored stage behind them. I was impressed by Shana's ability to emulate the look of the period so well.

The one thing that needs a little work is the level of movement onstage. Probably because they were used to rehearsing in spaces significantly more cramped than the actual stage, there's a lot of standing around and speechifying happening. It makes it look a bit flat. But they're aware it's going on, and I'm confident they can figure out how to utilize the beautiful space around them to create a more dynamic look. Most of the elements are so good that if they can just get over this one hurdle, they'll be golden.

I am now going to organized my notes for photo call. I wish I could have gotten the second act in order as well, but I couldn't stay late enough. Ah, well, I can do that during the run tonight. I want things to go as quickly as possible, so I plan to wow everyone with my awesome efficiency. ;-)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I love thrifting

I got a lot of compliments on the outfit that I wore to the opening night of To Think of Nothing. Sleeveless white v-neck blouse with ruching down the center seam, long red skirt with black and white butterfly patterns, silver-gray pashmina over the shoulders, silver pumps, and a matching silver clutch purse. It was very chic, in my opinion, and looked incredibly polished.

Guess how many of those pieces I found at thrift stores? Three-- the skirt, the shoes, and the clutch.

My budget is pretty tight these days, but even before I had to watch it so carefully I always enjoyed shopping at thrift stores. People donate perfectly good articles of clothing for a lot of reasons-- change in tastes, weight fluctuation, closet overflow, whatever. So with a little effort and patience, you can certainly find really nice stuff for cheap. To experiment with a look without committing too much cash to it in case you don't like it, hit the thrift store. For costume pieces that you need for one occasion but won't wear enough to warrant spending a lot of money on, hit the thrift store. To score a fun new piece on a budget to spice up your existing wardrobe, hit the thrift store.

I have a few rules, however. I don't see much point to buying a discount brand (like Target, for example) which doesn't have much of a wearable life when it's new, and is only going to be shortened by buying it used, and isn't all that expensive new anyway. I'm not exactly a germophobe, but I won't buy anything intimate that isn't brand-new.

I find the key, though, is to never thrift basics. I define a basic as anything you will wear frequently and variably, whether weekly or just in many different combinations. For these things I feel like it's a better value to spend a little more to get new pieces in higher quality that will look better and last longer. In a retail store you're going to have a larger selection of sizes so you're more likely to find something that fits you properly, and because everything's new the garment will have a longer wearing life. I buy expensive jeans because I wear jeans every day, so they'd better be flattering and able to endure the use. The blouse from opening night is one of my favorites, bought at Express several years ago in three different colors because I found the style so flattering. It is crisp, well-fitting, and has gotten tons of wear with tons of different outfits.

What do I think you should thift? "Fun" things. Pretty or fancy or unusual things that are hard to match other pieces to and too distinctive to wear all the time. Stuff in colors you don't have a lot else of. Any style you want to experiment with.

I myself tend to stick mostly with skirts, blouses, and jackets when I thrift. I don't wear a lot of skirts, mostly due to spending most of the year too cold, so blowing a few bucks on a pretty one is no big deal and can sometimes pay off big (as in the opening night outfit.) Blouses are versatile and a big enough part of my wardrobe that I like having a fairly large rotation of them. Having options for jackets can give you more room to mix up your combinations when you're required to layer for the weather. Dresses are a good option to thrift as well, and though I don't often because I don't wear them very much, I scored a black cocktail sheath and the gown Frances wore in TToN that way.

I only thrift pants if they're far enough outside my commonly worn styles that I won't need to wear them all the time. My camo pants were second-hand, but I'm not going to be wearing them so often they're going to have to endure tons of washing and use. I would never thrift jeans, and to thrift khakis or dress pants, it would have to take my finding an absolutely perfect pair in as nice condition as if straight from the original store. I've thrifted shoes before, but you have to be discerning. Shoes often get donated because they're worn out, and I for one can't wear a shoe without arch support, so I'm very careful about amount of wear the pair has already seen. Sweaters can be tough-- I'm considering it lately because I really want to expand my options in that department, but sweaters wear notoriously badly. Buying second-hand sweaters may just be a shortcut to Stretched-Out-and-Pilly-town.

Of course there are always exceptions. If you find the perfect thing in a thrift store that meets all the criteria for buying, go on and snap it up. Heh, if I could thrift a brand-new pair of black Express Editors in a double-zero-short, I'd be on that in an instant. But shopping at those places can be really fun and satisfying. It always makes me smile when I get a compliment on looking polished and chic when my ensemble is built from things I got for dollars apiece at a thrift store.

Second day of Caesar build


Spent most of yesterday helping out some more with Caesar build. Had a nice lunch with Jared after work, then the two of us drove over to the theater, where he sat and did homework until class and I pitched in with the various tasks of establishing the stage. Strike evidently went fairly well but very late, so when I arrived the platforms were positioned onstage but not much else. I participated in the anchoring of the platforms, fronting them, painting them, helping to hang and fireproof the curtains, and various other small tasks that tech week requires. We got a ton of work done, and despite some snags-- and there are always snags --the show is progressing well and is starting to look the way it's supposed to.

Perhaps because I've always primarily been an actor, I always admire the techies for how much knowledge and skill they have in the processes of putting a show together. Brenda, for example, was just amazing organizing the lighting over the last couple of nights, and I was really impressed by her command. But for all that I don't know nearly as much as the real crew people, I have learned a decent amount about technical theater myself in my time with Hold Thy Peace. Not being a current student, I can't use the saws or any of the dangerous tools anymore due to liability, but over the course of the last four years I was taught how to handle a fair number of them. Thinking back over ten shows at Brandeis, I learned how to:

- use a screw gun
- build a platform
- top a platform
- leg a platform
- anchor platforms to the stage and each other
- prepare a platform to be fronted
- front a platform
- tie various knots
- hang stage curtains
- properly move and brace a ladder
- use spackle
- use an electric sander
- use a circular saw
- make a cut block
- use gaff tape
- use spike tape
- use paint rollers
- paint a number of scenic effects
- use the headsets

Wow. I'm impressed with myself for how much I've absorbed just by helping to crew the shows I was in. And many of us can do even more. Others know how to run the fly rails, hang the lights, drop colors, run the light and sound boards. Wanting to be able to be capable in as many theatrical capacities as possible, it makes me wish I knew more. Especially if it can inform my ability to direct plays.

When it comes to my own theatrical productions I tend to take a very auteur approach, wanting to express my vision for the show in as many aspects of it as I can. While directing I have designed sets, costumes, sound, and other things, but the one thing I've never dared attempt on my own was lighting because I just never knew enough about it. It seems very complicated to me as I watch hangs and focuses and board operation. I guess one of the reasons I was so impressed by Brenda was she was getting a job done that has always seemed overwhelmingly difficult and specialized to me. It's probably not beyond me to learn, but I'm not sure it's something I'll ever really get the chance to study. Maybe I should make a point of that.

So things are going well. Focus is tonight, if I remember correctly, and then things should be in pretty decent shape to rehearse, cue the show, and run tech-throughs. I won't be able to get there until later tonight, but I plan to watch the run through this evening and take notes on scenes and their cast composition. I was asked by Lenny and Jenna to run photo call, and that will likely be easiest if I can write up a schedule for it. Hmm. Maybe I should make sure my camera is charged, just in case.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Weekend of theater in various capacities

As I mentioned in Google Buzz, this past weekend held much theater for me to execute-- planning a piece, building a set, and seeing a show.

The piece I helped to plan was for the performance part of morethings5*'s post-bac show. We figured out in more detail the choreography and the direction of the piece, and threw around some ideas for costumes and makeup. The idea is that we will do a silent series of actions related to the pieces of visual art he's displaying to tell a connected story. I'm very excited, it should be really interesting. We plan to do a rehearsal of sorts in some public space, as Jonathan feels audience reaction is extremely important. The real show will go up Wednesday, April 14th from 5 to 7PM in the Dreitzer Gallery, the art gallery in the lobby of the Spingold Theater. It should be interesting and offbeat, and I suggest you come see Kindness's art, and me, in it.

This weekend we also got a lot of the set built for Julius Caesar. I have to say, this was the most efficient and most pleasant build I've ever been on. The core group of HTP by now has had several show's worth of experience constructing sets, particularly platforms, and with just some instruction this cast put together seven perfect platforms in just three hours. Bernie is a good leader and organizer, and the cast just worked so well together. After how tough the tech week was for the previous mainstage show, it was quite a validation that we could pull it off so smoothly. Last night was strike for the HTG show that went up this past weekend, which I could not attend, and I wonder how it went. It had to start very late due to the unusual Sunday evening time of the show. I'll be going back over to help today, though, after lunch with Jared. I hope there is more I can do to help, and that things continue as well as they began.

Finally, the show we saw was the Actor's Shakespeare Project's production of Othello, organized by katiescarlett29* for her boyfriend Walter's birthday. It was a very nice group we went with, consisting mostly of awesome Hold Thy Peace members. One thing that I've noticed recently is this is the first generation of Hold Thy Peace that I've been witness to where pretty much everyone in the group is friends and spends time together outside of the group. I mean, previous generations have certainly liked each other, but their main connection to one other was that they were all in Hold Thy Peace, and they weren't particularly social outside of it. I like how now everyone is actually friends who enjoy spending time together. Jared and I had a very nice time being together and being with friends. The show itself was good, if a bit long; my back and knees were starting to get stiff by the end of it. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Iago was played by Ken Cheeseman, an artist-in-residence at Emerson and my brother Casey's teacher. If I remember correctly, Casey is a TA for him. His Iago was very good, though perhaps a little bit more comedic than I'm used to, and I enjoyed him.

The rest of this week will be Caesar-devoted. I am planning on helping out as much as I can with build, and I've also agreed to run photo call and operate the camera to film the show during one of the performances. Should be busy, but I am resolving not to stay too late, and to just do as much as I can without messing up my schedule. :-) The show runs Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights at 8PM in the Shapiro Theater, if anyone is inclined to see it. I myself will be attending all three performances, and I'd enjoy the company. I have yet to see any of the show as I didn't want to spoil myself, but everyone feels good about it, and it promises to be a good piece.

Festival status

So I went with my gut and only signed up for Diamond Geezers. I'm glad I nabbed it so fast, as it was the first thing to fill! Brit games always do, I guess. Which leaves poor Oz in only second place this time around. ;-) Alice is up to seventeen out of twenty-five, which isn't bad for a large game with four previous runs on only the second day of open signups. But rest assured, I shall be poking anyone and everyone I know who hasn't played yet to get in the game!

People have noted that games seem to be filling more slowly this time around. I think it's because there really isn't anything brand-new on the schedule this year, so many of the games have less of a problem about stirring up interest than they have with finding enough people who haven't played. But of course it's only the second day signups have been opened, so there's no cause to worry yet.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

My plan for Festival

Have a number of things to say about this weekend, but I'll start with my Festival musing.

I have played in or am running... nine out of twenty-two games on the schedule. Okay, that's not as many as I thought, but it still limits my options. Friday night, the slot I care most about having filled, unfortunately has only two games I haven't played, but unfortunately neither of them really appeal to me. I can't tell if Three Nations is supposed to be silly politics-themed or more straight-up politics, a genre of larp I'm not very good at. The other is Kind Friends Together, which despite the good reviews, is not my kind of game. I may go for Three Nations just to have something to play that night, but I haven't decided yet.

Saturday morning I'm running Oz. Sign up if you haven't played! It's a good game, and I'm probably not going to run it again for a while. Not retiring it forever, of course, but I think after this run, market saturation will have hit until I let some time pass.

Saturday afternoon I think I'm going to have to leave free. I have resolved to not pack my schedule as tightly as I did last year, or this past Intercon. The downtime will do me good, I think.

Saturday evening I'm running Alice. Again, sign up if you haven't played! Also like Oz, it is a great game that needs a little cooldown period before it comes out again, so this may be your last chance for a while. Certainly not forever, but like Oz it needs a bit of a rest.

Sunday morning I may actually break my rule and play a game. Partially because they don't start very early in the morning, and partially because I really want to play DIamond Geezers. It's a Brit game, which tend to be uniformly good, and I've heard some excellent reviews.

So... that is roughly my plan. Here's hoping things work out.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Tapped out

I am drained. Not really sure why, I just feel... tapped out. Physically sort of, but mostly emotionally.

I am increasingly clashing with people important to me over the fact that to most, unselfishness means giving things to and for each other, but for me, unselfishness means not taking things from each other.

I don't want anything from anyone. I've always believed that one's default setting should be expecting to have to take care of yourself, and I've never understood people who behave as if asking others for things is a standard option, as if it's anything but an absolute last resort. I feel like I'm just doing the bare minimum right now on that front, but there's nothing I want anyone to do to help me. The only thing that's anyone else has ever been able to do that actually seemed to help was not laying any additional burdens on me when I'm like this. But at the same time, I feel guilty about not wanting to go any extra effort, or absorb others' emotional struggles, or take on the burdens of anyone else. I just feel so tired right now that I don't feel up to the task.

Ah, well. I'll get over it, and be right back to my typical taking-care-of-various scheduled programming. But for the moment, it just seems like way too much for me to handle.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Another year at Elsinore

So after much hard thinking, I have elected to remain a resident of Elsinore for one more year.

A possible alternative presented itself to me recently, and it was one I was very seriously considering. It would have been cheaper, and I would have had far fewer roommates with which to deal-- both huge plusses. The trouble, though, was my bedroom set would have only just barely fit in what would have been my new bedroom, and that would still have only worked if I got rid of a lot of my less vital pieces of furniture. Also, the street parking options were almost continually occupied. So, as much as I liked the sound of it, I had to finally decline the otherwise extremely tempting offer.

But I like this Elsinore place. I love my big bedroom, I love having the space to throw dinners and parties and unofficial BSCF. I feel comfortable and safe there, which these days is a lot of comfort when I'm so frequently so stressed. There will also be two changes to Elsinore that make staying there more appealing. One is that by the end of this lease the landlord will be putting in new windows in the place, which with any luck will be better insulated and do something to reduce the heating costs in the winter. That house is hard to heat, and the bills go up when it's cold out, but that actually might be an improvement. The second and to me more important thing is that all of the roommates I have not enjoyed living with have decided to move out. This is an enormous relief to me, as the stress of that situation was getting to be too much. With the three unpleasant ones leaving and the one nice one staying, my comfort levels at home are poised to go way up.

I'm feeling quite optimistic about what the new roommate situation will be. Ryan and I will be remaining in our respective rooms, while nennivian* and aurora_knight* will share the basement room and the last upstairs room will be taken by Emily Baum. I am friends with all of these people and have found them to be polite, friendly, and pleasant human beings. I confess I am not without worries. I would have said that some of the current roommates were my friends when we first moved in together, and since living with them I can't stand them. I suppose that's always a possibility, but my gut tells me this is going to turn out okay. I for one am willing to make the effort to be as considerate as possible. The other thing is that Emily is Ryan's girlfriend, and when living with a couple there's always the chance that if there is ever any trouble between them it can affect the living situation as a whole. But I respect them such that I am fairly certain they've considered that and decided it won't be a problem. They will have separate rooms, which may help ease any possible tensions.

I'm a pretty good roommate, I think. I'm clean and quiet; I always do my chores and I never leave dishes in the sink. Sometimes I tend to need to hide and be alone when I'm at home, which can be seen as unfriendly but I promise I don't mean it that way. I just need to be alone a lot, and home is a logical place to be so. I just want things to be as nice as possible. I plan on giving it my best effort to make the new arrangement work.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

A lie I like hearing

Sometimes I get annoyed with Jared. Then he tells me I look like Kristin Davis, and I am so pleased I forget all about it.

It's not true. If it were, you'd never see me, because I would be unable to tear myself away from my mirror at any point, ever. But boy, is that a lie I like hearing.

;-)

Signed on to the Caesar build crew

This morning I saw two cardinals flitting after one another; they were so pretty and bright. I guess spring is actually here now. Redbirds always make me think of my grandmother; they were her favorite and her kitchen was decorated with images of them.

I have agreed to help out with build for Julius Caesar. Next week is their tech, and my schedule happens to be fairly light then, so I feel like it would be nice of me to offer a hand and support Hold Thy Peace. Also, Bernie has so much on his plate as technical director that I want to make sure he has the help he needs. I won't be staying til the wee hours, what with the doing them a favor and the having the job in the morning and all, but maybe if one more person helps out, things will get done earlier.

The set consists of wooden platforms and white muslin curtains that will go from the flies to the floor on the stage. I'm not exactly sure what the final configuration will look like, but I like the idea. Bernie has made a pretty careful plan, so I'm hoping to help make sure it gets executed. Today he and I are driving out to Home Depot to pick up the last few necessary bits of hardware. The curtains are being sewn by a group assembled by the show's costume designer Shana. Brian Melcher has promised to bring back the purchased wood. We're planning on getting into the theater shop this coming weekend to start a little early on getting things together. I should have some time Friday before I'm going out with my brother and my dad, and on Saturday it shouldn't take so much time to get to Othello that I'm not available for some period beforehand.

I kind of like build, honestly. I like making things, putting stuff together, and there's a real feeling of camaraderie when everyone's working hard together to assemble their show. I quit liking it when things start going past midnight, of course, but in the beginning at least it's a pretty cool feeling. :-)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Larp queries

Probably because I feel vital and productive right now, I find myself wanting to work on new larps. I think I'll do some work on the two character sheets that are due for the next Labor Wars meeting today and over the course of this week. Also, it leads me to think of some questions that I think I will throw out there in the interest of soliciting opinions.

1. Is there any value in including costuming hints in character sheets? Particularly as a redundant measure with the casting e-mails sent out to players?

2. What is the best way to alert players to the fact that there is some value to be gotten from interacting with the game's environment when the game is on the whole more about social interactions? This is an issue I've had several times.

3. Is it appropriate to remind players to look at name badges if there is significant information on them other than just names, or should they be expected to take note of what's there? For example, I use character numbers to represent appearence recognition (as in, if you know their number, you recognize their face) and this can be important if a character is using a different name than the one you may know them by. I always list character numbers with names on sheets if that character is expected to recognize them. If they don't grasp that, is it my fault if I don't explain, or is it their fault for not noticing?

I may have more, but those are the ones I'm currently pondering.

A song based on the show

Perhaps because of the rain finally letting up, or perhaps because I am sipping a lovely cup of my newly restocked pretenious chai blend from Teavana, I am feeling light in spirits today. This has translated to my being quite productive this morning, which pleases me immensely and makes me feel even better.

Yesterday was a nice day despite the rain. I went with Bernie to run some errands for Caesar; among other places we hit the fabric store, which I always enjoy going to because of all the neat little notions. My dad is in town for work, so afterward he, my brother, his girlfriend, and myself all went out to dinner at the Union Street Oyster House. I've always loved that place, the seafood is fantastic. Jared sadly could not join us, but it was a nice time anyway. Afterward I attended the Hold Thy Peace coffeehouse for Julius Caesar, which Jared had organized and was emceeing. It was a lovely time spent with friends and HTPers showcasing their talents. The highlight of the evening for me was the guitar playing of Jonathan Plesser. It turns out he's a talented songwriter, who not only composed a hilarious love song about typically awkward Brandeis social interactions, but also a beautiful song from the point of view of his character Damon in To Think of Nothing. I was incredibly touched that he was inspired by the show; it really meant a lot to mean to hear it. So thank you, Jonathan, for sharing that with me. :-)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Intercon J weekend report

Wow. What a con.

Back from Intercon now and back to the grind of regular life. I am happy, exhausted, and very thoughtful.

Friday night was Shadow Over Babylon. Not my favorite game of the weekend, but I certainly had a good time. There were lots of fun people in it to play with, which I enjoyed. One thing that occurred to me is that, having played in quite a few Cthulhu games by now, it's getting a little tougher to not metagame when playing a character who doesn't necessarily know about any of the mythos who is confronted by signs of their activity that are easily recognizable by me, the player. For example, if I see someone with clammy skin and a fishy expression, Phoebe knows right away-- Innsmouth look! There are Deep Ones around! But my character usually wouldn't have any idea, so I need to find a way to acquire that knowledge legitimately in game. I'm pretty good at waiting to use that information until I learn it in-character, but I never really thought about how, with the frequency of Cthulhu games, this is an increasingly common situation for me.

Stayed up way too late hanging with people Friday night. I think this con I felt slightly shier than normal. It may have been my imagination, but there seemed to be a fairly high number of people who I met through events like this but don't really see elsewhere whom, when I greeted them, didn't particularly seem to recognize me. Not everyone, of course, but enough. That made me feel kind of awkward about trying to talk to anyone whom I didn't have a definite preestablished relationship with, which made me kind of sad. But I enjoyed the company of those I did get to spend time with immensely.


Dragged myself out of bed early Saturday morning to play Super Villain Academy. Jared talked that game up to me after playing it last year, so I was very excited. It definitely lived up to the hype. It is a fun, silly melodrama in a comic booky context, very clever and very funny. I had kind of a tough job of trying to find people but not let on to why I wanted to know, so I had to come up with clever ways to introduce my interests for reasons unrelated to my real ends. I love plotting, so I spent a lot of time sitting in the chair thinking, then running off to try my plan, then running back to think some more, then trying my new plan. I found all of my targets, due to my clever plans, and never got caught! I was proud of myself. I also thought my costume worked out fantastically. I highly recommend this game if you ever get the chance.

After a quick lunch Saturday afternoon, I threw on my civilian clothes and ran to my gamespace to set up for Oz with Jared. I really liked the space they gave us, two small adjoining rooms with appropriate features to represent the space station. The group of players was fantastic, including a number of awesome Chicago larpers. Many plots were advanced further and many nuances came out in this run that never progressed so far before. And it's always interesting to see how people of different larp cultures approach a given material. I was surprised that many did not seem to understand the significance of character numbers-- as in, that they were something to be taken note of because they were meaningful. I use them as representative of a character's appearence; if you know a character's number, then you recognize their face. I'm including a note in the rules about that. The game ended with the galaxy blowing up. I was sorry for most of the players who did such an excellent job playing out their stories to have it all end like that, but I was impressed that the villain managed to win for once. I guess that's just Marc Blumberg for you. :-) All in all, Jared and I were quite pleased.


Saturday evening was The Last Seder. This was the game I'd been anticipating forever. I wasn't sure what I was going to think of it going in, but I knew I had to experience it. The format is unlike any I'd ever played before, alternating between a conversation game around a dinner table and a storytelling game with mini-characters you switch into the act out smaller tales. It is beautifully written and ingeniously designed. I was also impressed with the respect and reverence with which the religious material was approached, making it an interesting and enjoyable cultural experience as well. I'm not certain however that the structure really worked for me. It was really cool to have these stories inform the direction of the game, but having to march into another room and play out another character for a moment kind of broke the flow for me. The fact that I was incredibly tired by this point, which I think inclined my roleplaying to be sadder than I might have otherwise, may have contributed to my dislike of the interruption. Jared actually suggested that it might be less flow-breaking if one set of players played the main characters and another set of players made up a horde that performed the stories for them. I find that an interesting idea that I would probably prefer from a cast-character-player and presentation standpoint, but from a larp standpoint you'd probably end up with a horde that was bored during the conversation bits. Not to mention you might lose the significance of when the cast characters actually appear in the stories. Overall, an excellent, beautifully written game in an unconventional style that may not be to everyone's taste and may not even be to mine, but one I am very glad to have played and experienced at least this once.

I went to bed pretty much right after game wrap. So very, very tired. I'm sorry I missed the social time, but I was collapsing. I'm just not the sort of person who can get by without sleep, especially when I can't have my typical source of caffeine.


Sunday morning I got up as early as I could and helped Jared do some last minute prep for GM Space. I was going to play, but they turned out to have enough players after all, and I was still not terribly well-rested, so I jumped in for a sec and then left. I had to take care of getting us checked out of the hotel room anyway. Luckily I ran into our roommate oakenguy* as he was getting ready to leave, so I gave him a hug and thanked him for being so much fun to hang around with. Seriously, we were lucky to room with him. I made sure everyone was set, then got things taken care of at the front desk, which was a load off my mind. GM Space had some issues with personality conflicts and differences with player expectations, which Jared worried over, but most of them had a good silly time and none of the issues were his fault, or anything he could do anything about, so I told him not to worry about just be pleased that so many enjoyed his game.

All in all, it was a lovely weekend that I enjoyed immensely. The negatives were only very minor. I discovered when I arrived I didn't pack quite as well as I thought I did; there were a bunch of little things I forgot to take into account, like making sure I was wearing the right underwear to be able to change in front of roommates if necessary, or having at least one pair of flat shoes so my feet could have a break from heels. I'm pretty disappointed with myself for that, especially since I thought I'd been so careful. I should write myself a packing list now to use every year so I don't make those stupid mistakes again.

Also, I have concluded from this Intercon is that I cannot cram my schedule with as much as I did this weekend and maintain an acceptable level of energy. I played in three and a half games (played in GM Space until they had enough to be up and running) in addition to GMing Oz, and all that on top of how little sleep I got, I was so very, very draggy through much of the time there. Last Festival I did something in every slot, running four things and playing one, and as exhausted as I was by the end of it, it was a little easier on me because I've always found running less intense and demanding than playing, and because for that con I was allowed to have Coke with its lovely boost of caffiene. I imagine Anna Bradley at the end of this con was like, "WHY do we have so much extra Coke left over?" because it's still Lent, which means I'm still not allowed to have sugar, which means I couldn't go through the typical six liters or so that normally support my energy level over the course of Intercon. Unfortunately I can't abide the taste of coffee, so it wasn't available as a substitute. My ideal weekend schedule is playing two things and running one, I think. I can stand running more, but I can definitely play in no more than three events, and if I'm playing in three, then I'm not sure I want to add anything else by running. Does anyone else find that being the GM is easier than being a player? Or is it vice versa for you? I think for me, it's because being a player is active-- you have to take initiative and figure out what to do yourself --but being a GM is reactive-- you wait for the players to come to you, and everything else have already been figured out in advance.

Dead dog could have gone a little more smoothly, but concerning that I must say only that captainecchi*, electric_d_monk*, and laurion* are amazing and I thank them for how sweet they were. Tiredness and unnecessary struggles got to Jared and I by the end of it, but still, we loved the con, we loved the company, and we're excited, as always, for next year.

Next year in the Waltham Westin!

Friday, March 12, 2010

I love blogging so much

On a whim today I decided to cross-post all the Livejournal entries to my thus-far unused Blogger account so that they would should up in Google Buzz. I love getting new readers. I've never given it much thought before, but it occurs to me just how much I love blogging. It appeals to so many things in my nature that it has become a very important part of my life.

First of all, I love writing. I have tried my hand at writing many different things, from plays to larps to stories to films to poetry to comics. I get an enormous rush from writing something and then setting it loose for people to experience. The trouble is that it can take an enormous amount of time and effort to get a piece to the point where someone can consume it. The amount of work and the time delay between the effort and the payoff of completion and audience reaction can be pretty huge sometimes. But with my online journal I can generate a substantial and (sometimes at least) interesting entry in a fairly short amount of time, and post it for my friends to read almost immediately after I'm done. Blogging is an easy source of that rush I get from my writing being read. I don't even need people to comment on the entries or anything, though it's nice, because I just like knowing that someone is reading. For this reason I've become something of a content-generation junkie. I usually produce at least two Livejournal entries a day. I find the more I write, the more people frequent the journal because they expect a reliable stream of new content.

I was delighted when the site instituted the stats page that lets you see how many hits the various parts of your journal have gotten and the people who have visisted, at least for paid members anyway. I recently arranged to have my entries cross-posted to my Facebook page, which honestly is the first truly useful thing Facebook has ever done for me. I think it's brought in a lot more new readers. I have checked my hit counters, and there's been a noticeable increase in visits since I started the cross-posting. This plan backfired once, as one person early on took offense to a particular entry, but overall I'm pleased with the results.

Also, being part of a network of Livejournal friends means I have lots of neat and interesting stuff to read, updated on a nicely regular basis. I am a voracious reader, but I usually need some kind of "hook" of some kind of make me interested in reading anything in particular; if that hook is absent I often have a hard time getting into things. The fact that the writing comes from my friends (people I'm already interested in hearing from) means I am automatically drawn into the things they say about their lives and their thoughts. This reason has also gotten me following and even casually using Google Buzz, despite my steadfast refusal to try Twitter, mostly because it's right there in my mail client, but the shallowness of that sort of content doesn't quite satisfy the need with me. I far prefer blog entries. I have bullied/convinced/inspired/whatever a number of people into getting Livejournals of their own (including crearespero*, dendron_ges*, katiescarlett29*, and nennivian*) for the reason of having more interesting people generating content for me to read. Unfortunately it means I tend to stalk my friends page, refreshing constantly in the hopes that something new has been posted. I also like how the interconnectedness of journals on this site makes it easy to follow what people are writing, and by extension what they're thinking and what's happening in their lives.

I like Livejournal better than any other blogging platform. I love the privacy settings, the way it connects to your friends, the user icon system, the in-entry user tagging, everything. My messing around with Blogger today didn't leave me very impressed. I had a Xanga for a while, which imitates LJ in a lot of ways, but again, it wasn't as omni-capable or in possession of as many little features that I enjoyed. I just feel like I have so much more capability and specificity in the functionality of LJ.

Livejournal has brought me a great deal of enjoyment over the last several years. I'm really glad such a service exists.

SO READY FOR INTERCON

Is it Intercon yet? Is it Intercon yet? Can we go to Intercon now?

I want it to be Intercon, like, THIS MINUTE. Of course there's still some stuff to do, mostly in the nature of social debts, before I can dash off. I'm having lunch with Bernie because it'll be the last time I can see him before going away for the weekend. I told Jared I'd take him to get his hair cut before his class. And Steph is holding a lovely tea party in her suite today that I would absolutely love to go to. All these things must be accomplished in a timely manner before going to meet Jenn at her work so that she, Jared, and I can be off to the con, so I probably need all the time I can get. At least my stuff is already packed and loaded into the car. I am also ridiculously pleased with myself for finally building myself an outfit around my beautiful new red pashmina, which I will be wearing tonight. And Jared will come sharp as well, with much-needed hair cutting accomplished.

So, other than needing to see people before I'm off, I am SO READY FOR INTERCON.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

GM Space and cooking for Bronzite

So, due to a need to bolster numbers, I have agreed to play horde in GM Space this Sunday. I wasn't planning on doing anything more than watching due to how packed the rest of my weekend is going to be, but they need a few extra bodies to torment the GMs, so I agreed to help out. I'm actually kind of excited to get to play horde in that game. I was cast in my run, and while I really liked it, the horde is so funny in this game that I was actually a little jealous of them at times. This will make up for it.

Having Bronzite over for dinner tonight. I haven't cooked for him in a long time, so I'm looking forward to it. I'm now trying to figure out what to make. Usually I would use his company as an excuse to make something trayf, but since it's still Lent I'm keeping kosher too. Ah, well, I'll figure something out. We shall have a nice dinner, and then he will run off to Pre-con. I sadly will not be attending Pre-con, since I have work Friday morning and don't really want to drive out and drive back tonight.

Kindness's female characters

I love the ease with which Morethings5 acts his female characters. I'm watching the Four-Color Supers game right now and Kindness's guest star character just made her debut. He does it so smoothly and unaffectedly, without turning it into an absurdity. He also plays Gwen in my Burn Notice campaign to excellent and believable effect. It's rare for a man to be able to assume a female persona without it coming off as silly or unnatural the way he does. I like that he never feels like he has to do a voice or put on some elaborate "female air;" he just plays them as people. He's also remarkably unself-conscious about it and I always admire that level of security. I wish more guys weren't so damn terrified of coming off as effeminate or unmanly if they stretched like that. It's a testament to his acting ability that he can make it work so smoothly.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Bids accepted, whee!

Suddenly remembered I had a silver polishing cloth that I got with that bird brooch, and decided to see if it could do any good to my slightly tarnished silver pieces. I was shocked at how much tarnish came off into the cloth on some of them, like my infinity earrings which didn't even look very dull. I had no idea coming into contact with me could cause such corruption. ;-) The piece that really needs it is my silver-set amber necklace, though as much is coming off into the cloth the metal didn't seem to get much shinier. Maybe it just needs a lot more work than I had time to do before needing to leave this morning. Perhaps I'll give it a shot this afternoon.

In pleasing news, our wonderful bid chair (possibly all of bid comm?) bleemoo* just informed me that Alice and Oz have been accepted and will be running this April at Festival of the Larps. Now I may commence bullying everyone I know who hasn't played into signing up. Though there are certainly more than a few experienced larpers I've yet to wrangle into my worlds, my first thoughts are April, nennivian*, and blendedchaitea*, all of whom have expressed at least mild interest. I know katiescarlett29* has reservations about trying larping, but she is of course welcome and encouraged as well.

Now that bids are getting approved, I am now intensely curious as to what else is going to be running. We're probably a ways away from a schedule being put together yet, but I'm still very interested at what the list currently looks like. I remember captainecchi* and electric_d_monk* telling me they were rerunning the awesome League of Extraordinary Hogwarts Students (with some additions that sound absolutely fantastic) and lightgamer* was looking in the gamebank for something to bid. If anyone else threw something out there, I'd love to know what it is.

Anonymous note

I just found an anonymous note for me left outside my bedroom door. It is a very kind note, likely meant to cheer me out of my current depression. I am grateful to whoever was thoughtful enough to take the time to leave it. I would very much like to know who wrote it, though I have a guess. Still, I cannot shake the worry that someone, no matter how kind and well-intentioned, knows more about my business at the moment than I am quite comfortable with.

Shame makes me less able to accept kindness. Sick.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

"Real women" don't have to set narrow definitions for "real women"

I hate the trope of "real women have curves."

Perhaps I hate it because my biggest feminist pet peeve is when people try to lay a narrow definition on what constitutes a "real woman." Perhaps it's because it's not fixing a prejudice but the equally toxic practice of turning it around so that somebody else is the target of vilification instead. Perhaps it's just 'cause I'm a skinny chick who says fuck that. But I hate that chestnut "real women have curves."

I don't have a curve on me-- all sleek lines and clean angles. Am I not a real woman? Not a chance.

This trope takes our culture's standard assumption, that thin women are more beautiful and desireable than heavy women, which makes so many women who aren't thin feel inferior and less valuable, and turns it around so that heaviness is the ideal and thinness is undesireable and wrong. Reversing a prejudice and making the formerly "superior" group into the target of disgust and vilification is not making things better; turning the victims into victimizers makes them just as bad. It's basically saying, "You made me feel bad. Now I want to make you feel bad. I want to hurt you the same way I've been hurt."

The "real women have curves" trope was not come up with by women who like their bodies. No woman who actually loves her beautiful feminine curves would ever need to create something to reduce someone else to lesser status. Sure, there are some pretty people who refuse to acknowledge the beauty of others, but those people have other problems and most likely aren't secure in their opinions of themselves.

But no girl who knows she is a voluptuous goddess invented or repeats that. No, this trope is the work of the chunky girl who would KILL to have the lean thighs and flat tummies of her slimmer sisters and resents the hell out of them for it. She says it as a balm against old wounds, as a punishment of those who she blames for those wounds.

But two wrongs don't make a right. I get that some people have suffered a long time for the fact that their culture impressed on them images and standards of beauty that they can never meet. I feel very sorry for those people, and it should change. But that doesn't make it okay to take out that hurt on other people. It can't be that the only change is that a different group must suffer instead. There's something vengeful about it, and God knows how destructive seeking vengeance can be.

And it doesn't do anything to encourage people being generous enough of spirit of acknowledge each other's beauty and value. I know that when I hear it, my hackles raise. While no one's word can render me unbeautiful or unfeminine, there's still this inherent unkindness in declaring that if you look like me you're not a "real woman" that I don't respond well to. And when someone treats me with malice, it makes me feel mean. I want to be mean back to the person who was mean to me. Again, I know two wrongs don't make a right, and I should feel sorry for a person who obviously isn't as happy with their appearence as I am with mine, so I know it isn't an acceptable response. But my instincts tell me to bite back. I want to say nasty things like, "You know what curves I like? The ones on the zero on the size tag in my dress."

Nobody should get to feel good by making someone else feel bad. Nothing destroys the soul so fast as destroying the value or goodness or well-being of someone else. I think this is one such case.

Monday, March 8, 2010

RIP gray v-neck sweater

So today was the first day in ages I was able to go outside without a coat. That means the weather is warming, the season is changing. Therefore, I must make good on my pact to jettison the worn-out gray v-neck I've been clinging to. I have less of a need for sweaters now, and I have promised myself that I will never wear unattractive or unflattering clothing ever again. Therefore, this pilling, stretched-out old thing has to go.

RIP, gray Abercrombie v-neck sweater. I look forward to finding your higher-quality replacement.

Sometimes, you have to please yourself. :-)

For some reason my brain keeps thinking that this week looks like the week directly after Intercon, so I keep thinking I have events over the next couple days that aren't until after the con. So, for example, no Julius Caesar coffeehouse tonight but rather exactly seven days from tonight. This week is actually shockingly light for me until we leave for Chelmsford. The only things on my calendar in the evenings are a game Jared's in and BSCF. I like this, having the freedom to decide if I want to just stay free and the flexibility to do stuff if it strikes my fancy. We'll see what I do with it.

In other news, I went ahead and bid Alice and Oz for Festival. Screw weighing this factor and that, I would be happy and have fun running those games, so damn it, I'm going to run them. Oz is for the people who keep missing the chance to play, (bronzite* and Zachariah, for instance) and Alice is for my enjoyment and for the new people I'm hoping to bring in to larping. Alice is a freaking great game, and they should have a chance to play.

:-D I feel good about this. Sometimes, you have to please yourself.

Related to Festival, I'm curious if the talk last year about instituting Intercon-style round signups this time around has come to anything. As happy as I was that Oz filled within, like, twelve seconds, I felt bad for the people who logged on at 7:02 rather than 7:00.000001 and found all the games they wanted full. Would it be possible to do what Intercon does and let people sign up for one game, then two games, then as many as they wanted? I would very much be in favor of that.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Nearly done with Oz prep

Another source for stress reared its ugly head this weekend, but at the same time life finally lifted one of its heavier burdens. That balances out, I suppose, with the positive over the negative.

Got a pretty significant chunk of Intercon prep accomplished yesterday. Only a few more printing and packing tasks remain for Oz. I really need to reorder my file with all the cards in it. I'm thinking it might be easier to check whether everything is properly placed if I made separate files for each grouping of cards: one each for the cards in each character's packet, one for cards that the GMs hold onto at game start, et cetera. I think I'll make those separate files today when I print out the few missing pieces. Since the printing's mostly done it won't be super-helpful with that, but it will make it easier to double-check that I've got everything where it needs to be. GM Space is also in pretty good shape; Jared only has to sort the item cards into their proper places and make sure all the full sheets are printed.

I want us to be as ready as possible by the end of this weekend. The more buffer time I have between finishing my prep and Intercon, the better. The one other thing I need to figure out is the view screen for Oz. There is supposed to be a computer screen set up with a slide show of images meant to represent what you see out the big window in the viewing deck on the station. I'm a little afraid I won't be able to properly set up such a thing. I may just print out the images and put them up on the wall;; it's not as slick a solution, but I'm concerned that I'm not tech-savvy enough to troubleshoot properly if something went wrong.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Various random clothing-related thoughts

I am surprised by just how many articles of clothing I have. The fact that, according to my wardrobe journal, I managed to go about forty days without repeating a seasonally-appropriate outfit boggles me. I never really thought of myself as a clothes horse, but no wonder my drawers are stuffed and the closet bar sags in the middle.

I want to jettison some pieces to lighten the burden on my dresser and hangers. Unfortunately, what this wardrobe recording experiment has taught me is I DO like and I DO wear the vast majority of my clothing. I guess that's a good thing, but I would like to weed things out a bit. I've got a handful of items that could stand to find a new owner to love it and wear it with more pride than I do.

I read about women having parties where they brought clothes that were still in good condition but for some reason they no longer wanted-- never wear it, doesn't fit right, no longer suits their taste or style. Everybody would try on everybody else's stuff and whenever you found something you liked, you got to keep it. Anything not taken at the end of the night gets donated to charity. I kind of like this idea-- you get rid of your unwanted stuff, and maybe getting something new for free. Maybe I should throw one and make a little dinner party out of it.

I am also thinking of acquiring some sort of separate storage solution for articles that are decidedly costume pieces-- as in, I want to keep them because they are useful as costume pieces for larps and plays, but they are not things I wear as part of my normal wardrobe. I have more than a few of these taking up space the regular clothes could use. The yellow dress with the black lace overlay, the oversized black turtleneck, the Asian-inspired shirt, all these things are good to have for dressing a part but I would not wear them as everyday clothing. Maybe a box or something that I can slide under my bed.

Current state of my larpy life

So with Intercon now officially one week away, I take stock my of position in regards to my larp life.

In pretty decent shape for Intercon given the amount of time that remains. All my costumes are assembled; I even printed out my chest symbol for my Super Villain outfit. Yesterday I packed away as many items as I could that I would need to take but wouldn't need to use before then. I have arranged the ride situation for my merry band of intrepid congoers. All that is in fairly good order, or as good as it can be right now.

Yesterday I also took stock of what needed to be bought in order to pack and print Oz and GM Space. Most of the GM Space cards were left over from the last run, so I just printed out the handful of missing ones here and there. Now all cards are printed, though I will leave the packing to Jared as I'm not sure where everything goes. I didn't print any full sheets either; again he can cover that. As for Oz, I am mostly out of the supplies I need. I have a handful of white index cards left, but I'll almost certainly have to buy more. As for playing cards and nametags, I'm certain I've got enough of those left over, and the sheets themselves I printed at work. That leaves only the index cards, and of course folders to pack them in. Today I think a Staples run may be in order, or at least hitting the dollar store.

So Intercon is pretty much set. That means that now I should start looking ahead to Festival. I think, like many people, I've been caught in the "Oh, Festival is forever away, I don't need to think about that yet," but at least point I think we've only got five weeks. Which means I've got to decide what to run. I've got a number of possibilities here, and a number of concerns to think about. I have had requests from people to run both Alice and Oz. I am totally willing to do either, or both. I spoke to Jared, and he is willing to help both either or both. So, in all likelihood, is Bernie. I have concerns about both, though.

First let's deal with Oz. The advantage of Oz is that, as a fifteen-player game, it's pretty easy to fill. But Oz has run A LOT recently-- with Intercon it will have had four runs within the first year of its existence --such that I'm concerned people may be a bit glutted on it. And I've run it so many times over such a short period I think I'm more interested in running something that I hadn't put on as recently. Don't get me wrong, there are people who told me they want it to play at Festival and I certainly love GMing it, but a fifth run at this point doesn't feel like a big personal priority right now.

Now there's Alice. I am finding myself wanting very much to run this again-- for all that it was my first, it's still the game I love best and am most proud of. As with Oz, there have been requests to rerun it, and I haven't put it on since last August in Chicago, so I've been itchy. My worry here is that it is a large game that has had two previous Brandeis runs. Ever since Chicago, I have been terribly gunshy about the game not filling. I'm thinking of cutting two characters that I've never quite managed to be satisfied with, at least until I figure out how to fix them. That brings the total down from twenty-seven to twenty-five-- not much different, but some.

Still. It might not be too hard. Fortunately for me my games, particularly Alice, have been blessed with excellent word of mouth. I remember when I went to WPI for SLAW in November, I was recognized by name alone as the author of Alice. :-) I know WPI has a ton who haven't played, and I know I can think of a number of people off the top of my head that I'd like to bully into playing (natbudin* , pezzonovante* , londo*, ultimatepsi*,juldea*, mllelaurel*...) Hell, I think captainecchi* has forgotten enough by this point to actually play. And I have a couple of friends new to larping, like April and nennivian*, who might be persuaded.

I'm also concerned that Bernie will want to rerun Paranoia, which honestly I would be happy to do if I wouldn't rather run Alice and Oz and I'm not certain I want to run a third thing. I'd like to have a little more flexibility in my schedule, to have more options for what I'm able to play this time around. It wouldn't be the end of the world if I ran three things, and it would certainly be easier this time since all those games are actually finished in advance, but it'd be nice to have a little choice of what to play.

What does everyone think? Any opinions or insights you can share to help me figure this out would be very welcome and appreciated.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Intercon-stumed! ;-)

(Wow, that was cheesy of me.)

I finished my last costume for Intercon! I made a quick run to the costume shop in hopes of finding some useful things for my Super Villain Academy getup, and I completely lucked out. At best I was hoping to find colored tights, but I ended up doing even better than that. There were several colors to choose from, including orange, green, and red-- no turquoise, unfortunately, which for some reason was what I was picturing in my head --but I ended up going for the nice deep purple. I looked around a little more and went through the colored face paint on the wall. It occurred to me that if I wanted something like a domino mask, I could just paint it on and wear my glasses over it. So matching purple makeup was nabbed. I wasn't expecting to see anything else, but while I was just about to check out, I discovered the neatest things. They have these great tacky plastic-fabric... belt things, in several styles, like a cincher with laces, or buckles, or stuff like that, that come in all kind of bright comic-booky colors that are absolutely PERFECT for super hero costumes. I was lucky they had at least one in purple! They were cool enough that I would have changed my color scheme if that was the only way I could use one. I highly recommend that anyone who needs to build a supers outfit go and check them out; they're along the wall next to the shoes directly perpendicular to the cash register counter.

All that remains is to affix the symbol I made. Like I said, now that I've learned my color scheme I tinted it purple to match. Unfortunately my printer is out of colored ink, so I can't print and attach it to the leotard like I wanted to today. Still, I'm pretty much ready. :-) Honestly, I think this costume came out even better than I would have thought. :-) And with that, I am entirely dressed for Intercon! Yay!

Shameless costume design self-congratulation...

It occurs to me that now that To Think of Nothing is over, I can talk about an aspect of it I've been incredibly proud of without fear of spoiling it for those coming to see the show. :-)

As I mentioned, I believe all the costumes in a given play have to work together to create an effect. A big aspect of this is color. I don't just mean the colors all have to complement each other, though they do-- I mean I really like it when the colors mean something, separately and in comparison to each other.

To Think of Nothing is a play full of parallel characters. There are real people and their literary counterparts, there are various embodiments of the same aspect of the main character's psyche. I decided to indicate those parallels through use of color.

Cassander, the playwright who thinks too much, unwittingly projects himself into his character of Damon. Also connected to them and their overthinking nature is the analytical aspect of the Graces, Thalia. Therefore these characters were dressed in various shades of blue.



Please excuse Plesser's remarkable out-of-characterness. :-)

Andromeda, the woman Cassander has fallen for, is represented in his play by Selene. And, since he sees them as the bastion of all that is good and kind, the nice Grace Aglaea is connected to them. So they all wear shades of red.



And finally there is Palamon, Cassander's dear friend but also sternest critic. So he and the harsh Grace Euphrosyne are both dressed in green.



All these pictures and more can be seen on Facebook.

I was incredibly pleased with how these costumes came out. I got lucky enough to find pieces that were all in different shades of the relevant color, so that the connection was always present but not so screamingly obvious as it might have been if they were all in the same value-- Frances's dress has an orange cast to it while Charlotte's gown is burgundy and Liz's sash is crimson, for example. It makes it much more subtle. I polled the audience a little after both shows to see if anyone picked up on it, and the split was about fifty-fifty, and fortunately nobody thought it was obvious from the start. That was important to me. My goal was that people would realize it gradually, and I'm okay with some people not noticing it if it means it doesn't whack anybody over the head. I am also quite relieved I didn't go with my first instinct of dressing Damon and Selene in black-- they would have completely disappeared into the black box theater. I think back then I was worried that ANY color similarity between the real people and their literary counterparts would be beating the audience over the head with that connection. But it looks so much better this way.

So, yeah, I think I did a pretty damn good job, if I may say so myself. If anyone with more costume design knowledge and experience wants to weigh in with comments, criticisms, or suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them. This is one aspect of the show that I thought was just really slick, so I wanted to share my process on it. :-D

Yay, larp resumes!

I am enormously amused that a little list I started for a lark several years ago was rediscovered and now everybody's making one. :-D Yay, larp resumes!

To emulate the fun addition made by lightgamer* to the larp resume idea, I will include some interesting stats of my own:

Number of games played: 33
Number of games GMed: 13
Number of betrayers played: 8
Percentage of betrayers played: 24% (almost a quarter of all roles!)

I define betrayer as "character who is generally trusted at game start who secretly plans to screw you for their own ends." :-) Apparently I'm good at that. Good thing I started mentioning on my casting questionnaires, "No more betrayers! Nobody's trusting me anymore!" or I'd never play anything else.

I am also amused by the number of people who I have somehow drawn or coerced into getting LiveJournals in the last couple of months. Yay, more people to write entries for me to read as I compulsively refresh my friends page!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Super Villain Academy costume

I may actually have an idea for at least the basics of my Super Villain Academy costume. It came to me while I was falling asleep last night, and fortunately I didn't forget it by this morning.

The traditional comic book concept of supers' costumes is basically the whole skintight bodysuit look. I realized I can reasonably imitate that. If I take the tail off, which is just safety pinned in place, I can use the black leotard from my cat costume. I cleverly thought to draw the silver-spraypaint-marker cat stripes on the inside of the leotard so the outside would still look normal if I ever wanted to use it again. Now, for the same con a year later, it proves itself genius! My tall black leather boots would look great as super boots.

Building around these things, it's a little easier to imagine where I might go from there. Some tights, a belt, and a symbol on the chest would probably serve to finish it off. I've already got a lot of black going on, which I guess is appropriate for a super villain, but it might be nice to throw some color in there with the accessories. Maybe if I got a matching belt and tights in an interesting color, and then coordinated the symbol around it. Jared, fortunately, is the master of super hero costume symbols. When he was Crawdad in Masks, he found a fantastic crawdad-forming-a-C symbol to tape on himself, and for his run of SVA he found a great red Cobra Commander icon that worked perfectly (though I take credit for the red-duct-tape-cobra-marking on his back.) He also helped me find mine when I was Yellow Rose, and I absolutely love the earthquake symbol he dug up for his shockwave-powered character in lightgamer*'s Four-Color Supers game. He'd probably be a great help with this. My name and theme doesn't really lend itself to icons, but I actually was just struck with a weird idea that might just be crazy enough to work. :-)

I'd kind of like to have a domino mask, but those tend not to work too well with glasses. Also not sure what to do about the belt; I'd like it to have a color to add some interest, as well as match the tights, but I'm not sure where to find big colored belts. I've heard you can get colored tights at Target pretty cheaply, though. And then I'd want to tint my symbol (which I have just done some work on, heehee) to match as well. I'll have to do a little investigating, but I'm really glad I figured out a place to start from.

Monday, March 1, 2010

My other theater pieces

God help me, but now that I've finished the show I found myself looking back over my other original pieces of theater. To Think of Nothing is not the only play I've ever written. There are only two that I ever finished, but I actually kind of like both of them. I've always wanted to expand the universe in which To Think of Nothing takes place. I like to think there's lots of different artists of all kinds whose stories can be explored. But the only other piece I've actually written in the setting is a very brief little play called Fountain Thoughts, about the actress who eventually plays Selene in Cassander's play, confronted by her imperious director when she is afraid to go onstage. It takes place in the basin of a fountain, where the two characters pace and splash, overlooked by a statue of a handsome man. It is very quick, as I said, but I always liked it, and I liked the step it takes into the future of the world when Cassander's play is finally finished. Interestingly, in my first draft the director character was originally supposed to be Palamon, but I decided the director made things more dramatic.

I have written a second one act, somewhat longer, a realistic piece I did for my playwrighting class junior year. I am always slightly hesitant to show it to people because they sometimes read too much into it-- it concerns the reconciling of the different religions in a marriage of a Christian woman and a Jewish man, and I am uncomfortable with the assumption sometimes made that it is meant to reflect my own situation in any way --but I actually think it's kind of good. It is tentatively titled Paschal Moon, as it that time period that covers both Easter and Pesach is important to the story, but I've never quite been happy with that, so I'm trying to figure out what else to call it. There's a lot I like about this piece. I feel like I did a good job of setting up a situation where there's a significant, interesting conflict but nobody's the bad guy. I'm proud of how natural the I got the dialogue to sound, since that is something that tends to be very hard for me. Hilariously, I find I have a much easier time writing believable pseudo-Shakespearean dialogue than believable-sounding modern dialogue. I am amused furthermore to note that my protagonist in this play is named Cassandra, chosen completely without thought for the fact that the hero of my only other play is Cassander. I guess I like that name.

Great. Now I'm thinking things I shouldn't with all the other stuff I have ahead of me. But the hunger, it is never really sated. :-) Now I'm fantasizing about painting a kiddie pool, covering someone in body paint for them to be the statue, and then sticking a couple of actors in the pool to splash at each other. I think I need an intervention.
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